– Transcript 96
A Disgust for the World
R: …shanti, shanti, shanti, om. Good afternoon. (Students: Good afternoon Robert.) Welcome. I welcome you with all my heart it’s good to be with you.
Last week whether it was Thursday or Sunday I mentioned that the precursor to self-inquiry is having a profound disgust with the world. Some of you didn’t like that. I received a few phone calls telling me, “But Robert I love the world. How can I have a disgust for the world.” Therefore I will elaborate on this today.
When I say to have a disgust for the world, I am speaking of discrimination. Seeing right from wrong, what is reality and what is transient. The whole world is changeful it has no consistency. Because you enjoy the trees and the flowers and the moon and the sun, doesn’t mean you’re going to be happy all the time. In every life a little rain must fall, as they say. You are not the world. If you use proper discrimination you will see that the world by itself is an absolute nothing. It doesn’t even exist. You’re holding on to a shadow, to an appearance. And if you believe in the appearance you will always be disappointed.
You have to be disappointed because everything must change.
It all begins in your mind. I am not saying that you should give up anything. That you should run away from your family or your state, your job and live in a cave and growl at the world. I am referring to seeing in your mind that the world is an emanation of your mind. You have created the world in your own image. You see the world a certain way and you react to it without ever understanding that you have created this world yourself.
Yet you are not the world. Your real nature is ultimate happiness. Absolute reality. Pure wisdom. Sat-Chit-Ananda. This is what you are. You have never been the body-mind phenomena. Even though it appears strong and many of you fear the world very deeply.
Somewhere in the deep recesses of your mind you should be aware that you are not the world. You are not your body. If you get rid of the body idea the world will go with it.
Leave the world alone.
To have a disgust for the world means that you have been in this world a while.
You’ve tasted it, you’ve experienced it. You sort of understand what it is and now you’re going to leave it alone. It no longer has the power to frighten you. It no longer has the power to hurt you. For you are not hurtable. You no longer have to quarrel with anyone or stick up for your rights or win an argument. Those things no longer matter to you. It is only then that you can practice self-inquiry properly. This is why many of you tell me it is difficult to practice self-inquiry. You try it for a while and you get disgusted. This is because you are attached to the world and the world has a bigger hold on you than your practice.
You are not to think that the world can offer you anything important and rejoice.
You should always rejoice because you are the Self, the imperishable Self. That is worth
rejoicing.
But anything else in this world will always disappoint you. This comes from your experiences. You have a good job, you’ve worked for many years. You’ve purchased a home for yourself, you’ve got a family, children, things happen. You may lose your job.
Your child can get killed. All sorts of things happen in this world. Therefore the one who has faith in the world is a fool. It doesn’t mean again you have to give it up. You are in the world but not of the world. You can do what you’ve always done, work, have a family, buy a house but they are not your Masters. They have no hold on you.
If you lose your job you’re just as happy as when you had it. If something happens with your family, this doesn’t change you. You are still absolute reality. If your house burns down you do not look at your house as God. You understand, you know the truth and you stick to the truth. When these things what I’m speaking about are fulfilled in you, in other words when you have dispassion and you use discrimination you develop a tremendous power within yourself. You transcend the body, you begin to expand becoming all pervading and you feel that the whole universe emanates from your mind. Then you can be called a Jnani you’re totally free.
How does a Jnani think?
There was once a president of a bank who really enjoyed his job. He got married and he had three lovely children. He went fishing with them, he went hiking with them.
He really loved his family. There was a tornado that came into his town and his three children were destroyed, killed in the tornado. Everyone was violently upset. But the bank manager who was a Jnani simply watched and observed. He went to the funeral of his three children and watched and observed. When the funeral was over his relatives besieged him and they said, “You no good bastard you didn’t even shed a tear for your children. You didn’t seem to care what was going on. Can you explain yourself. So he replied, “Last night I had a dream and in the dream I was a king of a great country. I got married to a beautiful wife. I have three sons. We went hunting together and I loved them dearly.
Then there was a war. My three sons went into the army and they got killed. Then I woke up. So for whom shall I mourn? My three sons that got killed in my dream or my three children who got killed yesterday?”
Both pictures are a dream. This waking dream appears a little longer. That is the only difference. I’m not saying that you don’t care about what happens. You have a tremendous love and a tremendous compassion but you have Jnana, wisdom. Infinite wisdom. You have transcended the world and the world can no longer hurt you. You understand that everything is for a time, just like a dream. In the dream you go through lifetime after lifetime, you’re dreaming you’re incarnating over and over again, you’re different
This doesn’t mean that from this moment on you should have an attitude that, “I don’t care. I don’t care what happens. It doesn’t matter to me.” This is not what I’m referring to. I’m referring to the fact that through self-inquiry, little by little you will transcend the world and the world will be a dream to you. Yet you will be the epitome of compassion, of love, of peace and joy.
Some people say they love their life and they’d like to live forever as their body.
Think about that. Can you imagine brushing your teeth and flossing three times a day for a thousand years. Having to take a shower, eat. Always going along with what is happening in the world for a thousands of years. You will beg to die.
This is why, kindly nature allows you to live so long in your body when you do not awaken as reality. You have so many years and then you’re given another chance to have a new body. And again you have the opportunity to find your Self, to use discrimination, to be able to separate the wheat from the chaff and again you don’t make it and you take on another body and go through more experiences.
If you begin to let go of the world, I won’t use the term “become disgusted with it.”
If you begin to let go of the world something will immediately start to happen to you.
Immediately you will to grow spiritually. Something will take it’s place. To the extent that you let go of the world with all it’s problems, with all it’s beauty, with all it’s joys and sorrows, to the extent you can let go of that, to that extent will you be filled up with spirit. If you let go 20% you will be filled 20%, if you let go 40% you will be filled 40%. The void will always become filled. The space you leave when you let go will become filled with God, consciousness, nirvana, call it anything you like. You will begin to feel a peace and a joy that you’ve never felt before. To that extent that you can let go.
The only way that you can begin to do this is through practice. You begin to negate everything. You no longer are attached to person, place or thing. But you’re going through the motions as if you are. You do not feel the pressure of this world. You are not perplexed by the vicissitudes of what goes on everyday in your life. You become happy, totally happy in yourself. You feel an overwhelming joy, a bliss within yourself. You begin to realize that it’s not the body that feels this, the body does not exist. It is the Self, expressing as the Self. Do not be concerned with what is going on in this world. There is a power and a presence that takes care of this world in the right way. You have come to this earth for one purpose, that is to wake up. And all the experiences you appear to be going through are for your awakening.
This is why I say to you so often, “Do not judge by experiences.” Do not determine where you are in consciousness by the experiences you’re going through in your life. For it is the mind that wants to judge and as you know by now the mind is not your friend. The mind will do anything to stay alive and control you. This is where you use discrimination.
You realize the mind cannot fool you any longer. It has no power over you. It cannot cause you to weep when you see something wrong, to laugh hysterically when you see something right, you become even minded. You are able to walk through this world without a blemish. Things will happen but to whom do they happen? Not to the pure Self but to the imagination, to the belief system. To the one who believes they are the body-mind things happen. The stronger your mind is the greater the reaction over the things that happen in your life. As you keep practicing these things self-inquiry will come by itself.
When you begin to see a situation in this world whether it’s with you or the world itself, you watch something on television the question will arise by itself, “Who is experiencing this? To whom does it come?” And you will smile for you will realize that the experience that you see on television, on the news, the experience that you’re going through is a lie. You are not that and something within you will tell you, “I am experiencing this. I observe this and feel it.” You therefore follow the I-thread, you follow the I-thought to the source. The source is always consciousness. When the I-thought goes back into consciousness, it never existed to begin with, but it becomes clear to you. When the I-thought does not go back into consciousness then the world and it’s manifestations appear real. Your problems appear real. When you watch the news you feel what’s going on, for it appears real to you. For the I-thought is active, the I-thought is working. Making you feel the reality of the world and yourself.
Therefore you have to become vigilant and really grab hold of that I-thought by following back to the center of the spiritual heart. And dive deep into your heart. Where there is absolute freedom, absolute bliss and absolute joy. Do not be fooled any longer. Do not believe what your eyes show you. What your ears make you hear. What your senses want you to believe. Go beyond that. It may take some effort, it may take some time. Yet you must do whatever you must do to free yourself from the pull of the world.
If you are ready you will know what to do. If you are ready you will know what to do. if you are busy, busy, busy with other things then the world will grab you and make you believe this and make you believe that, put you through all kinds of experiences where you will cry and scream and get violently upset. At other times you will be happy and you will think everything is going your way. It will alternate. You will be like a yo-yo going up and down. You have within yourself the equipment necessary to transmute yourself. It comes as standard equipment at birth. It’s within you. You’re using it the wrong way. You’re using it to externalize the world. Where what you really want to do is to dive within yourself and internalize the world, by pulling the whole universe back
When everything, the whole universe, everything in it is sucked back into yourself, into consciousness. And another name for the whole universe, everything there is, is I. Because the I is alive and active you experience the whole universe as it is. When the I goes back into the heart center the whole universe is sucked in with it. This is why when you go to sleep and you’re falling into deep sleep there is a profound peace that comes over you, a profound joy. Try to catch yourself and see. This is happening because the I is going back into the heart center. And when you are in deep sleep the I is in the heart center and only consciousness exists.
Now if only you were able to wake up with the I still being in the heart center you would be emancipated, totally free. But what happens to you is because of delusion and Maya, when you awaken the I-thought comes out of the center and goes back into your brain. You become cognizant of the body and of the world and of the universe.
The secret is to be aware of what I’m saying and not to allow the I to go back out.
But to keep the I always in the heart center. You do this by investigation, by inquiring, “Who am I? What is the source of the I?” As you keep inquiring you will go with the I deeper and deeper until the time comes when it no longer comes out.
The choice is yours. What are you doing with your life everyday? Where are your thoughts? What do you allow yourself to feel everyday? Are you happy because you’ve got a great job and you’re making a lot of money? Or because you’ve got a great family?
Or you own property? These things are all temporary. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do this. But you have to put first things first. Find out how you arrived on this earth. How you happened to have a body. How you go through different experiences. Investigate, find out what you really are. Do not take my word for it but spend time going deep within yourself. Try to leave the world alone. Do not concern yourself with what is going on in this world. Some of you think it’s selfish, yet if you do not know yourself how can you concern yourself with the world? It is the blind leading the blind. After you have awakened then see if you want to do anything with this world. If you want to make this world a better place in which to live. But until then save yourself.
As the Buddha said, when you’re in a burning building you do not stop to admire the pictures on the wall. You get out of that building as fast as you can. I say to you, “Do not stop to admire the world with all of it’s trivialities, with all it’s so called beauty and nonsense. Save yourself. Become free. No one can do it but you.
(silence)
You’re free to ask any questions you like.
Nate (SC): Robert, how about surrendering? (R: How about it?) Well that seems difficult to do.
R: To whom? (SC: What?) To whom does it appear difficult? That is what you have to inquire within yourself. (SC: Yeah.) To whom does it appear difficult to surrender? What in me makes it difficult? (SC: The mind wants to be in control all the time.) What is the mind?Where does it come from? Who gave it birth? (SC: Just thoughts. It just comes by itself.) So, “To whom does it come by itself? (SC: It comes to me.) That’s it! Now investigate me. Who is this me that has the problem? Where did the me come from? (SC: I don’t know?) Inquire, ask yourself, there is something in you that knows. Don’t say that I don’t know because what you’re really saying is, “I” doesn’t know. Who is the “I” that doesn’t know?
Nate (SC): There is no answer to that?
R: Find out where the no answer comes from. (SC: The same place as the question came from.) Where is that? (SC: What?) Where is that? (SC: Can’t put it in words.) There are no words. If there are no words there is no problem. (SC: What’s that got to do with surrendering?) When you do all that I told you to do you automatically surrender. (SC: Oh?) Because there is nothing left that wants to be active. (SC: Umm.) It’s all been gone backwards into consciousness and you have surrendered completely.
Nate (SC): Like I have difficulty sleeping at nights. And I realize it’s just an idea, so the idea seems to take over?
R: Try to investigate and realize it is “I” that has difficulty sleeping at night. Not you, “I.” And again you inquire, “What is the source of this I?” If you really do this, the “I”…
(tape break) … it’s never you, it’s always “I.” We keep making this mistake by trying to relieve our troubles, by trying to find solutions for problems. That’s the hard way. The easy way is to get rid of “I.” By remembering that the whole universe, the problems, everything is attached to “I.” As you allow yourself to follow the I-thought to the source all the things that seem to disturb you will disappear.
SU: Robert, I realize that following the “I” to the source means that it goes from the brain to the heart. But I don’t know the process of following the “I.”
R: You do not have to become too technical. All you have to do is imagine in your imagination the “I” going into the heart center and you do this by inquiring, “Who am I?”
That’s the whole process. You’re inquiring what is the source of the “I.” That’s the only process there is. “What is the source of I,” is following the I to the source. It’s the same thing. And as you keep questioning yourself, the space in between the question will become larger and larger. You will begin to find solace, peace in that space and pretty soon you will say, “Who am I?” and you will sort of become omnipotent, all pervading for a while. You will feel tremendous joy that wells up in your heart. Then you will come out of it and you will say again, “What is the source of the I?” or “Who am I?” and again there will be a larger, longer space between the times you say these words. It’s in that space that you want to remain. In that space between questioning is nirvana, consciousness, your true Self. In that silence.
Yet whenever you come back out of it, and thoughts come to your mind you have to continue the procedure. “To whom do these thoughts come? I feel them. Who am I?”
Every time you say, “Who am I?” You’re using your imagination to follow the I back to the source. The reason you have a problem with it of course is due to what we were talking about this afternoon. Your mind is very adamant, very strong. Your ego is very big and it
You therefore have to keep practicing, “Who feels the world to be real? Who feels upset?
Who feels depressed? Who feels problems? Who feels the body? Why I do.” And you go right back to asking, “What is the source of the I?”
(short silence)
Do not look at time. As most of you know by now, time and space do not really exist. They only exist for the “I,” for the ego, for the mind. Therefore do not bother to think, “How long is this going to take before I become free?” Learn to become centered. Live in the moment. Take it a step at a time. Be spontaneous. And keep your mind from thinking past your nose.
(short silence)
As I talk to you I hear so many of you sighing as if you’re carrying a big burden on your shoulders. There is nothing wrong. All is well with you. Believe me when I tell you this. It’s like when you go for a train ride. You go into your compartment and you tell the conductor to wake you up when you get to your station and you have absolutely nothing to do with it. It’s the same with your life. Your life is totally measured. It’s going through the experiences that you have to go through. Yet you have absolutely nothing to do with it.
For you are not your body. So why fight? Leave it alone. The less you think the faster you will wake up. Would you like to read the Jnani Mary? (SM: Yes, um-hm.) (Mary reads the confessions of a Jnani, refer to beginning of book for text) R: Thank you Mary. (SM: Thank you Robert.)
R: Anyone else like to say anything?
Mary (SM): We have transcriptions that have come in, on the table.
R: We have transcriptions for you. Feel free to take them.
SE: Robert you started your talk by saying you must have disgust for the world, initiating the spiritual quest but there seems to be a difference between having disgust for the world and having an indifference for the world, as a transition that takes place. Can you say something about that?
R: Yes, you begin by realizing the world has nothing to offer you anymore. As you continue on the spiritual quest the world becomes less and less important for you. Until you despise the whole world altogether. For you realize the world is keeping you back from your spiritual sojourn with it’s force called Maya. Is holding onto you, it has a grip on you and to the extent that you disgust yourself with it and let go of it and stop allowing it to have power over you to that extent does your true reality and the truth of your being come forth. As you work on yourself this really takes place by itself. You can’t go out and say, “I’m disgusted with the world,” for you’re making a mistake when you do that. You have to grow into it. As long as the world is still meaningful to you, you have to investigate thoroughly and realize why the world is totally meaningless. And after a while of doing this practice you will become disgusted with the world. SH: Isn’t disgust a form of negative attachment? (R: Yes exactly, that’s what it is.) Then why would you be disgusted because that still would attach you to what you’re disgusted with?
R: No you’re disgusted with it because you’ve been practicing spiritual self-inquiry or other methods on yourself. (SH: But then you just let it go and wouldn’t be disgusted.) You let it go, that’s why I like to use the word discrimination. (SH: I don’t agree with the concept of disgust being…) Well disgust is a word. You just get to the point where you realize, “This whole world has been making me what I am today, an idiot.” (laughter) “Therefore I’m going to let go of this stupid world. I don’t want it anymore, I’m disgusted with it.” Sometimes you have to get sort of angry with yourself, and sort of, “To heck with this, I’m tired with this kind of life. I’m disgusted with the whole thing,” and then discrimination will make you go deep inside yourself and you will be able to practice as you usually do.
SZ: Robert the last or before the last of the eight or the ten steps of development insight or progressing in insight is transmuted from the Pali into “Disgust of the world.” (R: Yes.) It baffled me too in the beginning. At that stage as you say it is to be seen from the state of transcendence.
Then one sees the fact as you say, it is disgusting but it doesn’t hold you, it doesn’t hold one. One has compassion and insight and wisdom at that time. But one sees the world for what it is, it is disgusting. It really is. (R: Thank you, that’s very true.) But it is safe. I will never say that to someone who cannot totally understand it. But from the transcendent level it is really is that way.
But one will not act upon it. One will see in compassion, in caring, in loving kindness, and tremendously attend to the details of all that disgusting stuff if one has the… (R: Without attachment.) Without attachment? (R: Yes. This is very true.) So then it’s not really disgusting, yeah it is, that’s true, it is. I find it true. But I cry about it. (R: Yes.) The tears will flow sometimes because the things I’m reading or studying sometimes, just environmental situations.. then I kind of feel that I’m nurturing my despair without being despair. And this feeling of pain because you cannot really help. But yet you still will not give up helping. It’s somehow, you feel it as a call for you.
R: This is very true what you’re saying. (SZ: Yeah.) It’s part of the path of the unfoldment of yourself. (SZ: Right.) You go through a stage where you are disgusted with the whole world.
SZ: Yeah even with my students I do that. As I just had now the tameless one. He tells me to go to the bus station I used an hour and a half to get to down town. (S: You were lucky.) And to deliver him into the station. He came from Germany he didn’t know, he wanted to go to Santa Barbara. And then I said, “Well come with me.” and then I saw it what I was in. Sure I could see, “I should not do this, I don’t need it.” One sees the inner voice coming up with all kinds of things and then I seem to perceive, “No, this is your path, this is your Kian, it’s disgusting. That is what you are in, it’s also your own karma. Such a beautiful obligation without being an obligation.
R: That’s a good way to see it. Yes that’s true. (SZ: And you perceive it, one is a part of it and one is not a part of it.) Right we go through stages. (SZ: I guess it’s strange, it was.) It is strange. Life is really strange.
SH: It’s really is the only solution isn’t it?
SZ: But that gives meaning to life. That is because one sees the truth, it’s disgusting. It’s a truth. First know the truth as the Buddha says. Life is to hard, to hard means all kinds of things.
Low, disgusting and painful, terrible without having a curse. it’s not a curse, it’s not a putting down. It’s just seeing how it is.
R: Of course. It’s not a curse and it’s not a blessing. ( SZ: No. For ordinary people the world is either a curse or a blessing. And here it is neither but you are somehow very much, if it’s necessary to see yourself if possible engaged in it.) Yes. So when somebody tells you, “I’m disgusted with you!” say, “Thank you.” (laughter) SZ: One has to be careful to whom. It’s not good for that consciousness to say that. There is certain responsibility I think sometimes. (R: Discrimination.) Discrimination right. And it doesn’t help the other consciousness, praising itself for opening up. One who says it’s disgusting.
When one who says it’s disgusting would immediately point and project to one and they will say, “I am disgusting,” and snowball.
R: Of course. (SZ: Yeah.) As you practice spiritual sadhana all these things come to you. You will know what to do. (SZ: Right.) Do the practice. (SZ: Very good and tremendous value for that.)
R: Do we have any other announcements?
SZ: Robert one could equally say from that point or level instead of saying “it’s disgusting,” one could say, “it’s wonderful?” (R: Of course.) Yeah.
R: It depends where we’re coming from. (SZ: Yeah. Maybe also to whom one says it too? To whom one is communicating. Sometimes to see it positively than this way it’s a bit harder to understand. I only bitch in that way to those who understand.) (laughs) If you investigate this within yourself all the information you’re looking for will come to you. Everything will be revealed. Everything is within yourself. And there will come a time in your life when you’re totally disgusted with the world. (SZ: With what?) Disgusted with the world. Everything will come buy itself. (SZ: It’s just, there is a danger in it if the mind isn’t kind of awakened to it enough?)… (tape break)
R: Always remember that you are not the body or the mind. That you are pure Brahman, absolute reality, consciousness. You are nirvana, you are Sat-Chit-Ananda. That is your real nature and may your real nature unfold and you awaken now, peace.
Thank you for coming. God bless you I love you all. Have a good week. Don’t worry be happy. (laughter)
(tape ends)
Absätze ohne Sprecherpräfix gehören dem zuletzt genannten Sprecher — so steht es im Buch, wo der Präfix nur den Anfang einer Rede markiert. Die Zuordnung ist eine Folgerung dieser Ausgabe. Namen in Klammern sind aus dem Text erschlossen: sicher belegt sind SM = Mary, SF = Fred, SJ = Jay, SC = Nate, wahrscheinlich SG = Glen, SR = Jorge. Alle anderen Kürzel bleiben stehen, weil der Beleg nicht trägt.