– Transcript 120
R: I welcome you with all my heart. Yet in reality there’s no I, there’s no my, there’s no heart. So how can I welcome you with all my heart? I’m glad you’re here.
S: We’re glad we’re here.
Robert continues: Just the way you are, no heart, no my, no welcome. Just be here now. Exactly the way you are. There is absolutely nothing you need to do. There’s no thing you have to become, there are no better days coming later, there’s no past that haunts you.
You are pure awareness right now. Can you accept this about yourself?
There is really no past and no future. There never was a past, nothing ever happened. Yet most of you believe you are a body and you have gone through various experiences. But I tell you there are no experiences that you have gone through. There is no body that has ever existed.
Why do you want to make believe? You want to make believe that you are a human being, and you’ve had experiences in your life, of a various nature, you have a past, you feel guilty. You go through all kind of things in your mind. Why do you do this? You simply have to awaken to the fact that you are here. This is eternity. This is all there is.
There’s nothing else.
I really do not know what some of you are looking for. You’re looking to become enlightened. No one ever became enlightened. No one has ever been self-realized. There is no such thing. Drop all your concepts, your preconceived ideas, your beliefs. Some of you here are searching for a better life. There is no better life. This is it! This is all you get. Yet when I say this is it, you think in your mind of your problems. You think of something that’s wrong with you, or with the world or with the universe.
When I say this is it, you allow yourself to think. That’s the first mistake you make.
Allowing yourself to think, to analyze, trying to understand, this is a mistake. No one can understand, because there is nothing to understand. When I say this is it, I am referring to your true nature as absolute reality. This is it! I am not referring to the things you’re thinking about. Those are all lies.
When we begin to think about man’s inhumanity to man, the destruction of animal life for fun and for human consumption, the destruction of the rain forest, earthquakes, cataclysms. When we try to reconcile this with God, as it were, we can never do it.
It doesn’t make sense. How can God, whatever he is, or she is, or it is, allow all these dastardly things take place in this world? You become totally confused, disillusioned, when you try to reconcile these things.Yet in truth there is absolutely nothing to reconcile. The picture I just painted does not exist. There is absolutely nothing happening in the universe. Due to the fact there is no universe. Just by understanding this, not with your mind, not by trying to understand, but by being, just by being. Not being this or being that, just by existing, you become totally free. For you are totally free!
There is no karma that binds you. There is no predestination that affects you in anyway. None of these things exist. There is no reincarnation. You may think this is a contradiction because I speak of these things once in a while. Remember, to whom do these things come? Who believes in reincarnation? Who believes in karma? Who believes they’re being punished for their sins? The mind! Not you.
It is your mind that appears to have been programmed to believe all these lies.
Therefore if you come to me and tell me you are suffering, I will tell you, well, this is only karma. This is something you’re going through, it will pass. I have to say this to you because this is where you’re coming from right now. But the truth is no one suffers, there’s no karma, there’s absolutely nothing that causes suffering or pain or anything else.
Where would it come from if there is only God? Where would all these things come from if there’s only effortless pure awareness? Self-contained absolute reality, Brahman, which is all pervading. There is no room for anything else. There’s no room for your ideas about fears and junk that is going on in your head, nonsense. Nothing exists! Nothing is absolute reality, ultimate oneness, nirvana.
You have always been nothing and you will always be nothing. But as soon as you begin to talk you spoil it. As soon as you begin to analyze it, to try to figure it out, to scientifically come up with a plan of how the universe works you spoil it for it is beyond human understanding, beyond human comprehension.
Your human mind and your human thoughts are only here to destroy you; they are not your friends. No thought is your friend, not even a good thought. Some of you still believe you have to hang onto good thoughts. Good thoughts are lies just like bad thoughts. In order to have a good thought you have to know about bad thoughts otherwise why would you want to hang onto a good thought? You want to replace it and hold it, instead of a bad thought. All thoughts are lies. There has to be no thought whatsoever.
No thinking allowed.
You have to be tired of going through the vicissitudes of life and experiencing good and bad, up and down, right and wrong. Becoming happy when things are going your way. Becoming miserable when they go the other way, then becoming happy again when things go your way again becoming miserable when they turn. When will you drop the whole thing? What does it take to make you forget all these things, to let go of all these things? What does it take to awaken? It takes desire to begin with. Desire to become something else and then dropping desire and just becoming. Dropping becoming and just being, dropping being and just…
There was once a little bird who lived in the bottom of a great giant tree. The tree was so big the bird never saw the top of it at all. But the little bird was contented. By eating certain sweet berries that grew on the tree and the little bird would chirp and sing and be very happy. One day the little bird ran out of sweet berries and there were only sour berries left. The little bird partook of the sour berries and became miserable, cursed under its breath, became angry, mad, but then the sweet berries grew again and the little bird forgot about the sour berries and started to eat the sweet berries once more, chirped and sang, became happy until all the sweet berries were gone once again, and there were sour berries and the bird ate the berries and cursed under his breath again, god damn no good son of a !$@!# (students laugh) became angry…
…So the bird thought I’m going to fly around this tree and see if I can find any more sweet berries. He began to fly around the tree. As the bird gazed up the top of the tree which was a long way up and it saw a majestic, translucent, beautiful looking bird sitting on top of the branch at the top of the tree, way up there. The bird looked so peaceful, so radiant, so loving, so free. The little bird felt something and said to itself, I’ve got to find out the secret of this big bird, why it’s so contented. It’s not looking for berries, it’s not doing any thing. It just sits there happy, majestic, free. I think I’ll fly up to it and find out its secret.
It started to fly up the tree. On the way up it noticed some yellow looking berries.
It stopped and started to partake of these berries and they were simply delicious, he had never tasted berries like this before. It forgot all about the big bird as it chirped and sang and enjoyed itself. But again like every thing else it had to come to an end. The sweet berries were finished and again there were sour berries left and again the bird mumbled under its breath, cursed, became upset. And again it started to fly around the tree searching for sweet berries and happened to look up and saw that beautiful, translucent, majestic looking bird again, way up on top of the tree. It forgot about the bird, but now it remembered.
The little bird said to itself, I’m really going to fly up to that big bird now and find out its secret of peace. It started to fly but again, three quarters up the tree it saw purple looking berries that looked simply delicious. It stopped to eat of the berries and they were so good the bird again forgot about the big bird. Became happy, chirping, singing until it ran out of the berries again and the same thing happened all over again. Sour berries, sweet berries, this went on and on and on.
Finally, after many years, the little bird was flying around the tree and looked up at the big bird and was totally disgusted with all the berries, sweet and sour. It didn’t care any longer about sweet berries or chirping or singing, it wanted to find the peace that the big bird had. It made up its mind resolutely to fly straight toward the big bird and nothing would stop it this time. And so it was. The little bird flew directly up, up, up, up, right into the big bird and when it did it discovered something very interesting. It discovered that it had been the big bird all along, all the time. It was the big bird! It had become itself!Now isn’t this just like us? We’re born into a world that tells us we have to make something out of ourselves, so we make complete idiots out of ourselves. We have to have gainful employment, we have to do this and we have to do that. So we do and we’re happy as long as things are going our way. We’re contented as long as things are going the way we think they should go. We’ve got perfect health and we’ve got perfect finances, and we’ve got perfect peace of mind and we have a perfect family and we have a perfect this and a perfect that. We feel good. But then things begin to change like they do.
Everything must change. The only thing permanent in life is change. Everything changes. We become upset, like the little bird we curse under our breath, we become angry, we become mean because things are not going our way. Then something changes again and things go our way again, so we become happy once again. We sing, we dance, we get drunk, we go crazy. We do all kind of things, we party, then something happens, doctor tells us we’ve got cancer, we become bankrupt, there’s a recession, we become terminated from our employment and we become miserable once again.
This story is repeated again and again and again. The time finally comes, for some of us, I say, some of us, because most people keep doing these things until they die. They never stop. They keep looking for good things to take the place of bad things until they die, as if that’s the answer.
But there are some of us, you can call this God’s grace if you like. They’ve been touched by someone or by something within themselves and they feel that there is another universe. There is something else. There is something else that does not have pain or human happiness, no mental anguish, no good thoughts. There is something beyond all this and they make up their mind to vehemently find the something no matter what it takes.
This means they have to start giving up or emptying themselves of the old. For they have already been filled with illusion, wrong thinking, nonsense, ignorance, they can’t hold any more. In other words, they cannot add to what’s already full.
If you have a flask of water and you want to fill it with wine you have to empty the water first. And so it is with us. We’re filled with all the foolishness, with all the preconceived ideas, with all the nonsense, with all the concepts. Unfortunately most people do not realize this. They think they are quite normal, (but they don’t know that I’m the only one that’s normal and they’re all crazy I’m the only sane one. Don’t believe that. The truth is I’m the crazy one and you’re all considered sane, due to the fact I do not accept all this stuff and you do. The majority rules, as the majority of the people believe the same thing, then I’m the crazy one and they’ll lock me up in the crazy house.) Anyway, you can’t be full of your nonsensical thinking and ideas and expect to become self-realized, expect to awaken, expect to become free. There is work you have to do. The work is to empty yourself out, totally and completely. When you empty yourself out, you will be free. There is nothing for you to fill up because reality is already there.
It’s just like when you have a room filled with furniture, what has happened to the space in which you put the furniture? Has the space diminished? You have the same space
in the room it hasn’t gone any place, except the furniture is also in the room with the space. When you remove the furniture the same space will be there that always was there.
The original space was there when you put the furniture in the room now you take the furniture out, the space is still there.
So it is with us. Our true nature is Sat-Chit-Ananda, perfect knowledge, perfect existence and perfect bliss. We are pure awareness! This is like the space, except we have cluttered up our minds with thoughts, feelings, ideas that are erroneous and have to go.
And so we begin to work on a plan, those of us who feel this, to totally empty ourselves and if we’re sincere we find the right teacher, the right book, the right something that tells us what to do and we listen and we put this first in our lives, for we never know when the life is going to be over. We make this first.
What else can be more important than to find yourself then to become totally free and liberated? Is there anything else in this world that is more important than this? We finally process something we can work with and one of the best ways we can work with something in this life is to practice self-inquiry. It’s a way of getting rid of all the stuff that we’re filled with.
We therefore begin by examining our thoughts. No matter what type of thoughts we have, good thoughts or bad thoughts, we inquire, “To whom do these come?” In other words we are saying, “Where do these thoughts come from? I didn’t ask to think about these thoughts, yet they arise by themselves. Where did they come from? To whom do they come?” The answer always comes. “Well these thoughts come to me. I feel them. I’m experiencing these thoughts. They make me feel bad, they make me feel confused, they make me feel this way, and they make me feel that way. All these thoughts come to me.”
We continue with the self-inquiry, “Who is this me that all the thoughts come to?
Where did the me come from? Who gave birth to the me?” Me is another name for I.
“Where did the I come from who thinks of these thoughts?”
As an example, we feel there is something wrong with our body, and we say, “I am sick,” we know scientifically the body cannot become sick by itself. The body is just a heap of flesh and bones and organs, it can do nothing by itself. It has no power. But when you say, “I am sick,” you are invoking the power of I-am, which causes a delusion of sickness in your body and this is true of everything else in your life, every other experience that you think is wrong or right. So you begin to understand that I is responsible for your lot, for what you are. I is responsible!
You therefore have a job on your hands to remove the I, to totally annihilate the I.
For you begin to see that all of your thoughts and your feelings that you have had all these years are really part of the I. “I feels all these things.” I is the one who causes all the problems. You therefore make up your mind you are going to remove the I, so you inquire, “Who am I?” Which means what is the source of the I and that is very profound. You do not use your brain or your mind to come up with an answer. There is no answer. The reason there is no answer is because the I thought does not really exist. When you try to come up with an answer you are enforcing the I-thought to continue its job of deluding you.
Therefore you simply inquire, “Who am I? Where did the I come from?” And you keep still. As you keep still new thoughts come to you. All kind of thoughts? You repeat the same procedure, you say to yourself, “Okay to whom do these thoughts come? Where did these things come from? Who feels them?” Again, “I do, I feel these thoughts. They’re telling me that things are bad they are telling me that things are good, like the little bird, good and bad. My thoughts tell me all these things. But I always say,” I feel this, I feel that,” so again, “Who am I? What is the source of the I?” And we keep still.
Let’s practice this together, shall we? Close your eyes and do not do anything until a thought comes into your mind. It makes no difference what kind of a thought it is, good or bad. Ask yourself, “To whom does this thought come?” I feel it. It comes to me. I feel this, the thought. I think this thought. If I think this thought then who am I? Where did the I come from that thinks this thought? And you keep still.
As soon as another thought comes to you, continue the same practice.
(long silence)
Feel free to ask any questions.
SX: Could you please repeat that exercise again? (R: The whole thing?) No just the part to whom…
R: You inquire, “To whom does this come?” (SX: Uh-huh) You’re inquiring to whom do these thoughts come. And then you say, “To me. I think these thoughts. They come to me,” therefore, “who am I?” or, “what is the source of the I that thinks these thoughts?”
And you keep silent, you never answer that question. When further thoughts come along you do the same thing.
Glen (SG): You were talking about the thoughts being lies and all of this - are you speaking relatively - what is the origin of the lies or what is the origin of the mind? It’s almost a value judgment when making reference to them?
R: I’m not speaking relatively, I’m not speaking spiritually, I’m not speaking! All of the thoughts, the ideas, the concepts, the body, the mind, everything is a lie. It does not exist. That’s why it’s a lie. Only emptiness exists, nothing exists, no thing! Everything else must be a lie therefore, because it’s not the truth.
SD: Could you say that the lie is the same as illusion? (R: Yes! It is the same.) Or Maya, it’s all a dream? (R: Maya means the grand illusion, the lie.) SG: What is the origin of that illusion, that lie, it sounds pejorative to me when you refer to it.
R: Yes, there is no origin because it never existed. Only something that exists has an origin. If everything is subject to change there is no possible origin. It never was created therefore it doesn’t have to be uncreated. You simply have to look at it and realize that nothing like this exists. It has no origin. It’s like asking, what is the purpose of life? There
is no purpose. Life has no purpose whatsoever. For life does not exist the way we think it does. Everything that exists is an emanation of your mind. The mind emanates all of existence and it appears to be so. But it is not really true because there is no mind so there’s no existence. There’s no origin of the mind, there’s no origin, there’s no thing.
SD: And this is the illusion from which we are to awaken so-to-speak, right?
R: You shouldn’t get caught up in the concepts of the great illusion also because when you think there is a great illusion staring you in the face the illusion becomes greater. Therefore look at it lightly, realize the illusion doesn’t exist. Don’t take it too serious. In other words, don’t make a big thing out of illusion or you can get caught up in the illusion, and then you’ll have to get rid of the illusion. Keep every thing simple.
SK: Robert, could you say there is no such thing as truth?
R: There is no such thing as truth because in order to have truth there has to be a falsity. Something has to be false therefore we say there is only truth. But in truth and reality, there’s no truth, there’s no false, there’s no up, there’s no down, there’s no forward, there’s no backward. It has no name. (SK: It’s the only thing that doesn’t change, right?) There’s absolutely nothing that doesn’t change.
Glen (SG): Sounds very inviting. (R: Then enter.) You know, I can say that facetiously and I shouldn’t, but it’s just so devoid of everything that sounds attractive to me.
R: Everything that sounds attractive is a concept of your mind. Your mind has come to the conclusion that this is attractive and this is ugly. They are both impostors.
They both have to be transcended. (SG: If this is painted in glowing pictures like love and infinite joy, is that just another trap?) Love and infinite joy are all nonsense. When there’s love, there is attachment. When there’s attachment there is ego. When there’s ego, there is the I-thought. If you get rid of the I-thought you get rid of all the love, you get rid of all of the attachments and everything else.
SD: But isn’t there a transcendental love just like, that would be the same as consciousness or bliss that’s not attachment? Isn’t it relative to the level in which you’re speaking?
R: I hear what you’re saying but the love we have a concept of does not really exist.
(SD: But isn’t there perhaps a love beyond our understanding?) Yes, there is, but it’s so different you can only experience it.
SK: Well that’s another illusion, it’s beyond my understanding, that’s an illusion too?
R: That was an answer to a question. Of course it’s an illusion. Every time I say a word it’s an illusion. (laughter) Every time I talk it’s an illusion. Every thing we are doing together is an illusion.
SD: Is satsang an illusion?
R: Satsang’s an illusion? It’s all an illusion. It’s as if you are having a dream. In the dream you are going to Satsang, we’re doing all these things, it appears so real. And you get into it and then you wake up and it’s all gone. Who needs Satsang? (laughter) SH: We do.SY: So in that case, who will wake up?
R: Nobody, nobody ever went to sleep. There’s no one to wake up. Those are just words. If you went to sleep you would have to wake up. Because, since you never went to sleep you do not have to wake up. If you think about it you become confused. (SY: So there’s nobody to realize anything, any truth, any real, any body to wake up?) Now you’ve got it!
(laughter)
Glen (SG): If all these problems are qualities or are illusions what is our motivation for achieving liberation or achieving that which whatever that thing that we’re talking about?
R: The motivation is doing just what we’re doing here yet there’s nothing happening here. So the motivation is no motivation. (SG: Isn’t that the end of things when there’s no motivation?) There is no end, because there never was a beginning.
SD: So it’s a divine paradox? (R: You can call it that.) I can call it that, who am I?
SH: Why bother?
R: We’ll just go right back again. (SD: That’s right.) To whom is it a divine paradox?
Glen (SG): There really is nothing to do?
R: Absolutely nothing! But don’t feel that you’ll not do anything. In the appearance world, you will do whatever you came into this world to do, without you being the doer. That’s the paradox! You appear to be doing things, and yet you are not the doer. You are free!
SY: Robert, in that sense is it easier to commit suicide and we just get all free of it?
R: Not really, because you are doing nothing when you commit suicide. ( SY: Yeah, I mean there is no possibility to realize anything there’s nobody there to realize any truth of it or to be awakened? What is the point? It’s all hopeless.) The point is to be your self. Committing suicide is the same as having desires. Unless you get rid of the desires you can never really know the truth and awaken. Therefore when you commit suicide, you will appear to comeback again and again and go through the same conditions again and again until you awaken by yourself without any thoughts of suicide. (SY: Yet why do we have to come back again?) Because you’re caught in the wheel of delusion, because you committed suicide.
SD: In other words suicide would be part of the illusion right?
R: Yes, you have not awakened to the truth.
Glen (SG): You’re identifying with the body understand that if I get rid of the body then I’ll be free.
SH: You think there is somebody to kill.
SD: Yeah right so if we hold onto the body idea then we’re holding onto the idea of reincarnation.
R: You would appear to come back again and karma would appear to be real. And reincarnation would appear to be real and you’d go through the whole trip again and again and again. But it doesn’t exist. Therefore you’re fortunate to have a body, so-to-speak, to be where you are right now because you can sort of awaken to this and be free.
And then there’s no coming and no going. There’s no birth. There’s no death.
Nate (SC): So the whole idea is just to be here now?
R: To be here now is the way it’s done. When you’re here now there’s no body left to think or to do any thing. (SC: Nothing else matters but right now?) This second!
Glen (SG): I guess what I’ve been wanting to say is, this doesn’t sound enticing. (R: Good!) So I need to drop all my thoughts of what spiritual goals, my lofty… (R: Exactly.) …and just face this question that you pose for us? (R: Exactly.) Because I have a burning desire to know that?
R: You have a burning desire to do something. That’s how it begins. As you continue with self-inquiry, your desire begins to fade away and you become empty little by little. Until you finally become completely empty and you become nothing. (SG: But Robert isn’t there still a subtle yearning to be free and that’s the motivation?) That’s in the beginning stages, but the subtle yearning has to go also. Everything has to go!
Nate (SC): In Buddhism there’s warnings about the pitfalls of nihilism… (R: Umm.) …Like how does one keep from falling into that?
R: This is not nihilism, as you inquire, “Who am I?” little by little everything is destroyed and you enter a place where you are pure awareness.
Glen (SG): I would like to go back to what I just asked a minute ago. It seems like a yearning to be free arises spontaneously and that won’t disappear of itself until I do, so isn’t that still motivation?
R: The yearning appears to be motivation when you first begin the practice. As you continue in the practice the so-called motivation begins to disappear. It’s like you become lighter and lighter. There’s no mind left to have motivation. And to be motivated there has to be a mind. As you keep destroying the mind by inquiring, “To whom does this come?” the mind just begins to disappear in its entirety. Therefore there’s no motivation.
(SG: You mean even identification with the so-called motivation end eventually?) The identification with the motivation is the I-thought. As the I-thought becomes weaker and weaker and becomes completely transcended there’s no longer any motivation to do anything.
How can you be the Self and have motivation? The Self is!
Nate (SC): The so-called third evils that are like earthquakes and things like that are hard to stop, there are things we can do with this consciousness in the light of the troubled earth?
R: As you believe you are the body it is your duty to make this a better world in which to live, to feed the homeless, to help the poor, to be of service to humanity. To join causes, to do all these things. But it is the body doing this it’s as if you were dreaming and in the dream you did all of these things. But when you awaken from the dream, who’s left to do these things? There’s no personality left. There’s no ego left that has to do any of these things.
SD: Because there is no things to do? (R: Umm.) Wouldn’t that be true? (R: Yes.) At the level that you’re speaking there would be no things? (R: There is nothing there, right.) SG: So there is no motivation to do any of these things for others, so-called others?R: Well yes, because your body will do whatever it has to do. But you will not, since you have absolutely nothing to do with your body. As long as the body appearance is there it will appear to be doing things, being of service. Doing kind deeds. But there is no doer.
SH: Does the witness go too?
R: The witness goes too, everything goes. (SH: Umm.) Everything goes!
Glen (SG): And what’s the purpose?
R: There is no purpose. (laughter) Why do you want a purpose? There’s no purpose whatsoever. The mind has to have a purpose. When there’s no more mind, there’s no more purpose.
Nate (SC): Does the witness really go by inquiring itself, it seems like trying to dig yourself out of a hole.
R: Of course it can because you’re inquiring, “To whom does the witness come?”
The witness comes to your mind. It’s the mind that becomes the witness. Therefore if you keep inquiring, “To whom do these things come?” there will be nothing left for you to do.
It will all go.
(silence)
R: Will you read the Jnani Mary?
(Mary reads the Confessions of a Jnani. Refer to beginning of this book for text) R: Thank you Mary. (SM: Thank you Robert.)
Do we have any announcements?
(tape ends)
Absätze ohne Sprecherpräfix gehören dem zuletzt genannten Sprecher — so steht es im Buch, wo der Präfix nur den Anfang einer Rede markiert. Die Zuordnung ist eine Folgerung dieser Ausgabe. Namen in Klammern sind aus dem Text erschlossen: sicher belegt sind SM = Mary, SF = Fred, SJ = Jay, SC = Nate, wahrscheinlich SG = Glen, SR = Jorge. Alle anderen Kürzel bleiben stehen, weil der Beleg nicht trägt.