– Transcript 58
R: It’s good to be with you again. I welcome you with all my heart. On Tuesday I attended my mother-in-laws funeral. So somebody asked me, why am I not crying? I therefore started to cry, and I cried louder than anybody else. They had to go get me a towel. That’s how much I cried. And it made everybody happy. (students laugh) I cried for about ten minutes. I don’t know why? (laughter)
SH: Just thinking about it you’re starting to cry again.
R: (laughs) Somehow when people ask me to do something, I do it. Yet my feelings never change. And what feelings are those? All is well. Those words never come to my mind, but there is something that knows all is well.
There’s some mysterious power that is continuously felt. This power of course is the Self, consciousness. It is beyond consciousness, beyond the Self. What is called I is simply an image, superimposed on this power. Therefore I can be the body and the power at the same time. So the body can cry, can laugh. It can go through all sorts of experiences, but nobody is affected.
The experience is like a burnt rope. They’re of no value. You can’t do anything with a burnt rope. If you try to touch it, it falls apart. So the feelings, and the emotions, and everything else that this body expresses, is like a burnt rope. It’s of no value. There are no words to explain this. But I can assure you that everything is unfolding as it should. No matter what’s going on in your life, or what appears to be going on in your life, believe me it’s all for your ultimate good.
There is nothing in this universe that can ever hurt you, no matter how things appear and how they look. First of all, you’re not your body. There is nothing hurtable.
You’re not your mind, so there are no thoughts that can attract you, or destroy you, or repel you. Your beyond that, you’re above that.
What you really are, you have to find out for yourself. And you do that, of course, by stopping to identify with the body, and do not react to conditions, that’s being yourself.
It’s not knowing words, or paragraphs, or phrases. It’s not by memorizing scripture and trying to impress others. It’s by being yourself. To be yourself you just have to stop the thinking process.
Always remember it is your thoughts that keep you from yourself. Every thought that comes to you is your enemy. Even the good thoughts, for the good thoughts are just leading you on. It is your mind playing tricks on you. The good thoughts are trying to make you feel that this world is real, and you should strive after certain things, you should enjoy the world, and take it for what it’s worth. But then you have to come under the law of change, and you become disillusioned because the things in your life are no longer the same, after a while.
Then you have to jump back into yourself and take refuge in your Self. When you take refuge in your Self you become happy. When you take refuge in your Self you have peace. When you take refuge in your Self you have harmony, you have joy. It’s a mystery to me why people would take refuge in the outside world, in person, place or thing, when you know the outside world is subject to the law of change, and is never the same continuously. So whatever you take refuge in becomes a disappointment, whether it’s a person, place or thing.
There was once a young girl who was brought up in a house of prostitution. This was her destiny, at the time. She couldn’t get away from it. But she used to pray to Ramana Maharshi, “Oh Lord, if I must go this route, be with me. I’m not praying to change my life, if this is my destiny. But I’m praying that your strength and your love will always be with me.”
Now across the street, there was a so called Jnani, and he used to stand in front of the market place, telling everybody they’re consciousness and absolute reality, preaching and screaming. This went on for years.
Finally the time came when they both died and they went before God. And God told the girl, “You have to go back to the earth, and you have to be a Jnani.” And he told the so called aspiring Jnani, “You have to go back to the earth as a snake.” And the man said, “How come Lord? I extolled your virtues to everyone. I told all the people they were consciousness and they were absolute reality, and you send me back as a snake. What did I do?” And God said, “You have no heart. You come from the talking school. All you did all your life was to talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. But this girl gave me her heart. She surrendered to me. She didn’t bemoan her fate. She just wanted me to be with her during her trials and tribulations. And I gave her the strength to carry on, so now she is free. But you still have a lot to learn. So you have to go back as a snake.”
This makes us think. What are we really doing with our lives? We read lots of books, see lots of teachers, have a lot of head knowledge, but how many of us have given our hearts to God? And God is not far away. God is really the Self. But in order to contact that Self you have to have a lot of humility. To feel God’s grace means you have to surrender completely, have a lot of humility. You have to have the attitude, “I know nothing, you are everything.” This kind of an attitude will set you free.
And yet, how many of us have an attitude like this? Many of us think to become a Jnani, to become self-realized, we become proud, and you actually become more egotistical than you ever were before. We have a holier than thou attitude. This will never do it.
There is really no difference between a bhakta and a Jnani. One surrenders to God, and they have no other life. They realize that whatever they do, it is God doing it. Therefore it’s good. They never complain. They never think of their problems. They think of others and their problems, rather than their own.
And the other one realizes that the I is responsible for all their problems, and for their existence. So they trace the I back to its source, to the heart, and they become free. At that stage there is a merging of both bhakta and Jnani. So a bhakta is a Jnani and a Jnani is a bhakta.
Therefore if you see a teacher who thinks they are better than anybody else, and they seem egotistical, be careful. Most Jnanis never take on a teaching role at all, and they have very little to say. After all, what is there to talk about?
This is what I was trying to explain on Sunday. Just being is enough, not being this, not being that, just being, being at satsang. And whether I talk about ice cream, or jelly beans, it makes no difference. The words themselves have value because the sound of the words are the grace that you feel. But the meaning of the words are only interpreted in your mind. That’s why whatever I say is taken differently by each one of you, for it filters through your mind, and your consciousness and your beingness mix with the words, and the words come out according to your way of life. But if you listen with no mind, then you get the true meaning. In other words, do not put too much value on everything I say, but open your heart so the grace portion of it may enter, and you may pick it up, and lift yourself upward.
How do you do this? Just by becoming still, by stopping the mental activity. And you may stop the mental activity by any method you know. If you like to do pranayama, do that. If you like to practice Vipassana meditation, do that. If you wish to observe your breath, do that. If you wish to practice self-inquiry, do that. In other words, do whatever you have to do to stop your mind from thinking. Vichara, self-inquiry, is only to keep your mind from thinking. That’s all it is. All the practices of yoga lead to the place where you stop thinking. All of the higher religions are to make your thoughts one-pointed. And when your mind stops, you become your Self. You’re free.
There are no rituals you have to go through really. You don’t have to chastise yourself and try to get rid of your guilt feelings, samskaras, or anything else. By identifying with an empty mind, will do the job for you. But the empty mind is not realization. It is the step before realization. Realization is not an empty mind. Realization cannot be explained. Suffice is to say, that realization is beyond everything and anything you can ever imagine. But if you achieve empty mind, then you’re on the way to realization. At that stage the guru within yourself, will pull you inwardly, and you will awaken to your Self.
So:
Number 1: You have to develop humility. You have to open your heart to loving kindness.
Number 2: You have to forget about yourself and your problems, as if they never existed, and help others, give of yourself to others, because there is only one Self, and I am is that.Number 3: You have to stop quoting teachers and telling yourself that I am Brahman, I am no mind, I am consciousness, for that really inflates your ego. You have to stop comparing yourself with anybody or anything.
In other words, you have to become nothing, and that hurts some of you, because you say, “After all I’ve gone to school for fifty years, I’ve got a profession, I’m doing this and I’m doing that. And now you tell me I have to become nothing?” Well, consciousness is nothing, it is no thing. What you call God is nothing. So if nothing is good enough for God, it should be good enough for you too.
Can’t you see now that when you say to yourself, “Well, I’ll never be nothing, I’m somebody. I’ve studied for years, I’m somebody important,” can’t you see now that this is what holds you back? Every Sage has come to the point where they have thrown away the scriptures, thrown away the books, thrown away their body, thrown away their knowledge, and thrown away themselves with a small “s.” When you get rid of all that stuff, then you become your Self.
Can you see now why it takes so long for some people? Because they’re holding on to something. They say, “I can let go of this, but I can never let go of that.”
I don’t mean you get to the point where you don’t care. I don’t mean you have to quit your job, or leave your family, or go anywhere. You have to do all this mentally. You do all this in your mind. You use your mind to do all these things, and then the mind turns within itself, and disappears into the heart. So take a look at your life and see what’s holding you back. What are you attached to? What do you think is important in this world?
You cannot have both. You cannot mentally be attached to person, place and thing, and awaken at the same time. If you want liberation you have to pay the price, and the price is letting go, giving it all up, surrendering, having perfect faith that all is well. Not trying to interpret what “all is well,” means. Just realizing that everything is in it’s right place, just the way it is. That’s it. Don’t interpret that. There are no mistakes. As you begin to dwell on this, as you begin to dwell on these things, automatically you will come to the place where you will realize the last enemy to go is the I. Everything has been attached to the I. But you see how long it takes to get there? You have to do everything else first.
This is why it’s dangerous for some people to just teach Jnana Marga by itself, for egotistical people become greater egotists. It builds up your ego. You have to have humility first and go through all these things we discussed. If you really want to do this, you will. You will not do this by taking action, but by sitting in the silence, and surrendering your mind and your body to your Self. I am will take care of itself. You see, I am is your real nature. Therefore you don’t have to try to bring it about. All you’ve got to do is realize that the stuff that’s holding you back, has to be given up. Everything has to go, your whole belief system.
What are you holding onto? Think. What’s in your mind that’s so strong? Fear? A job? All those things are meaningless if you want to awaken. You will still have your job.
You will still do whatever you came here to do. I have to emphasize this because we always believe, and the question that I get from most of you is that, “How will I function if I do what you say?” I keep telling you, have no fear, you will function. You will function much better than you can ever imagine. It’s hard right now, working with your ego, to think how can I function without a mind, but you will.
Here is something that cannot be explained in words. When you get to the ultimate state, you become human like everybody else. That’s why it’s difficult to know who a Sage is, because a true Sage appears no different than you and I. The ultimate state is functioning like everybody else, except there is something inside, there’s something that makes you understand that you are like the mirror, and your body, your affairs, and everything else in the universe is a reflection. You become both. It appears that you act out your humanhood, but you’re not human. And this is the most difficult state to explain, for it is beyond words. It is beyond thoughts. It is beyond reasoning.
You cannot be reasonable to become liberated, it’s beyond every human faculty.
That’s why you can’t think about it, and you cannot try to explain it, and you can’t even discuss it. All you can do is to do whatever you have to do to get rid of all of your stuff.
That’s all, and everything else will take care of itself.
It’s so simple. Words make it so complicated. The fact is you were never born, you can never die, there is no power that sustains you or maintains you. You do not exist the way you appear. The same is true for the whole universe. It’s only a reflection. It’s an optical illusion, like the mirage in the water, or the water in the mirage. They’re both the same.
The water is the mirage and the mirage is the water. So the appearance is water, but when you try to grab it, you grab sand.
Everything you grab in this world is like sand. It seems so real. And then your emotions grab a hold of it and give it more power, so that the Maya becomes stronger and stronger and stronger, until you’re in such a state that it takes you many incarnations to get rid of all the fears, all the frustrations, thoughts about the past, samskaras. You have made these things real for you, but they do not exist. None of these things are real, but you have made them real. You’ve done it to yourself.
Therefore when you leave your body, you appear to go through an astral plane, and you take a rest. You meet your long lost relatives, that you couldn’t stand. And then you go onwards and go back into a body again. And you continue, and continue, and continue. But it’s a lie. You are making it the truth. It is your truth because you believe in this, and you refuse to let go.
Therefore the mature aspirant of Jnana will always work with their I. That’s where it begins. Trace the source of I. Where did my I come from? Watch it. Observe it. Watch when you get up in the morning. You feel so peaceful in the beginning, but as soon as you start to think about I, all your problems, your troubles in the world, gang up on you. But if you begin to catch yourself, grab hold of the I, “Where did it come from? Where did it just come from? A moment ago I was at peace. A moment ago everything was all right, but now I’m worried, I’m upset, I’m thinking about my job, my future, my finances, my health.Where did the I come from that thinks about these things?” and trace the I back, back into the heart, which is the source.
People have asked me what they are supposed to look for in the heart? Well, remember the heart we’re talking about is on the right side of your chest, two digits from the center, that’s your spiritual heart, that’s the source. The I comes out of there. So don’t follow the I externally, follow the I internally. You see the difference? Don’t go catching the I as it thinks about the world. Reverse the procedure. You want to follow the I back to its source.
So, you can see the source as a brilliant light a thousand times more brilliant than the sun. You can imagine the I going back into that light, merging with the light. Or, if you’re bhakti-inclined, devotional, you can think of your favorite saint or Sage, and see your heart center as that Sage, and the I goes back into the Sage or into the light. The Sage absorbs your I. I can assure you that if you practice this only a little bit, you’ll have some amazing results.
But for some reason, most people have to be on a spiritual path for years practicing some form of yoga before they can come to that stage where they can follow the I back into the source. Yet there are those people who do not have to be like that. There have been those people who have had no previous experience. They were just able to see that the source of their I is the Self. And they became liberated that instant.
The secret is not to allow the I to take you over. How does the I take you over? You begin to allow it to identify with worldly things, and you do that by thinking about them.
Now, as an example, you got up in the morning and you start to think you’ve got to conserve water, you’ve got to pay your rent, you’ve got to buy new clothes, and a million other things about I, I, I. But if you keep remembering that all worldly things are attached to the I, you become introverted, and the I goes back into the source.
Once the I goes back into the source, even for a few moments at first, you become joyously happy. You have much peace and harmony. You feel it immediately. In the beginning it might not last, but at least you had it for a few moments, and you are able to prove the truth of what I’m saying. And some of you have told me you’ve been able to do this for a few moments, and you felt a joy, and a bliss, and a peace, that you never felt before.
You’re beginning to feel your Self, your real Self.
As you continue to do this every day, especially when you wake up in the morning, those periods will last longer and longer. They will expand, and you will be able to rest in that space, which is called the fourth state of consciousness, the gap between sleeping and waking. You will be able to stay there for longer periods of time, and you will feel what I’m talking about.
Yet there are some of you who do no practice whatsoever. If you are a bhakta you really don’t have to. All you’ve got to do is surrender, total surrender, which leads to the same thing. But if you’re an aspiring Jnani, and you want to get it over with, grab hold of your I, follow it to the source, and become free, totally and completely.
Any questions?
SL: Isn’t following the I to the source with the purpose of getting rid of the me instead of finding the Self? There seems to be a semantic difference?
R: It is semantic. The Self is reality. The I is me. The I and me are synonymous.
Therefore when you follow the I to the source, you are getting rid of the me. (SL: It seems to be just a collection of memories?) A collection of thoughts, of memories, of samskaras, of opinions, of concepts. That is the I, that is what the I is made of. So when you follow the I to the source. (SL: Do you follow the I into the heart.) Into the heart, that’s the source. (SL: And then the I, the me disappears into the Self?) The I disappears, the me disappears. Everything disappears, you disappear. (something happens to the student, she starts laughing) It’s really a beautiful experience, but I know that some of you no matter how many times I say this to you, you’re not going to do it when you wake up, because you wake up so fast and all you can think of is a cup of coffee.(laughter) I got you, right.
But you’ve got to learn to slow down. Immediately become aware as soon as you open your eyes, of the time when you just woke up and you were at peace. Ask yourself, “Where did that peace come from?” And you will realize that it came because you did not think of the I. As soon as you think of the I everything is spoilt and you’re in your ego again.
So even if it’s for a few seconds, just by letting the mind know that you have been peaceful because the mind was not working yet, you’ll be able to hold onto that experience a little longer everyday. And the time will come when you become free. There are some of you here that are doing that and there are some of you that are not. You know what you have to do. It’s up to you.
SN: Robert, what if instead of feeling peace or feeling bliss you just feel blank? Rather than an experience of bliss it’s more of an experience of non-experience?
R: When you experience non-experience that is also good. But that experience is not the truth it’s not reality. It’s just a quiet experience. (SN: Yeah.) Which is good, if you can identify with that experience you will go beyond it. (SN: But even the blankness, I remember that Ramana was saying that the idea is not to obliterate thoughts, obliterate self but to be fully present? You know to be realized means to be fully present, not to be away from…) Umm.
(…here and now.) Umm. (SN: And that blankness is like a nonexistence.) The blankness is a nonexistence if your mind is causing it to happen. (SN: Right.) If it comes from your mind.
But if it comes from your Self you will feel a joy and exhilaration even in the nothingness.
You will feel the nothingness as total happiness. You will not be able to explain it but it will be total happiness and that’s real emptiness.
Jay (SJ): In the total presence because what Ramana was referring to, he was describing a state, as well.
R: As total presence. (SJ: Yeah, yeah.) Yes. All that is in emptiness. It’s another term for emptiness, total presence. You have merged in the infinite and you are totally present there.SN: If you are in a blank state, that’s just another state of the mind and…
R: That’s a state of the mind. (SN: So…) All those states I’m referring to, are still states of the mind, even bliss. (SN: So do you just rest in that?) You rest in that. (SN: And whatever happens later?) You keep realizing that the Self is all. That all comes by itself, the realization. And it goes deeper and deeper and deeper as you keep resting in that state you keep going deeper and deeper beyond it. Because you are still aware that you are in that state. As long as you are aware that you are in that state, it’s the mind. The mind will go and you will not be aware you will just be and that’s your final state. When you are not aware.
SN: Robert if you’re in this mental state of blankness would devotion help?
R: But of course. (SN: To get out of this mental state because it seems to be just the mind, maybe if you get more into surrender you might…) It’ll definitely help. (SN: Yeah.) You can surrender the blank state to yourself. You can say, “Take it Self, ” or you can think of your favorite saint or Sage and surrender the blank state to him or her. Give it all up. That definitely helps. But the blank state is a good place to be so you can go further. Everyone reaches the blank state, then you become aware that someone has reached that state. So you inquire, “Who is that someone? Where did the someone come from who has reached the blank state?” Then you will go deeper. Whatever state you acquire, go deeper, by inquiring, “Who am I? Who am I that has reached that state? Never stop until you disappear.
SK: Robert you said something about giving service. Giving oneself to giving service. Not that I’m against giving service but isn’t that putting - what is the word. Not indulging yourself? -
Finding refuge in things outside of myself? And doing that isn’t that a refuge also? I mean I can make service a refuge? I can use that…?
R: You mean you can get attached to it? (SK: Yeah.) Of course you can. (SK: I was thinking another ego trip, right?) But of course, you realize that by giving service you are not being attached to it. You are doing it impersonally. (SK: I don’t know if I could do that? It seems like whenever I do that it’s always with an alternative motive. If I really question it there is always, an “I’m going to get something out of it that’s why I’m doing it.”) Well the next time you see a homeless person, give him five dollars and see the thoughts that come into your mind. And question yourself, “Why did I do this? What was my purpose?” Ask yourself those questions and see what happens. But by giving yourself away is a good way to go higher in consciousness. For you are erasing yourself. You’re in the process of wiping yourself out. (SK: That’s what it feels like, it’s really difficult to do that. It’s really difficult to give, I mean just give, I really can’t in any form of it, you know?) Ask yourself, “Why? To whom is it difficult?” Ask yourself. And of course the answer will come, “It’s difficult for me,” and carry on and ask yourself, “Where did this me come from that makes it so difficult? Who is this me? What is its source?” Again you follow the me or the I to the source. By inquiring, “Who am I? What is the source of the I that has this difficulty?” And as you merge with the source, the difficulty will dissipate. Therefore everything you’ve got a problem with, work
on that, and realize it’s the I that has the problem. When the I merges with the source, the problems been resolved.
(silence)
Robert continues: Shanti, Shanti, Shanti Om, Shanti, Peace.
Any comments, questions? Do we have any prashad?
Thoughts, comments, announcements?
SL: I want to just thank you. (R: No problem.)
Jorge (SR): Well it’s easy in your presence or in the presence of people here to practice what you’re suggesting.
R: You mean it’s difficult when you’re by yourself? (SR: It’s not as easy.) Why don’t you imagine that we’re all together. (SR: Okay.) When you are by yourself because there is nowhere to go, so we’re always with you.
(private conversation between Robert and Mary)
Mary (SM): Want to mention about the puja Sunday, Robert?
R: Well we’re not going to start this Sunday. What shall we do with these song sheets. (SM: With these?) You want to take these home and bring them on Sunday? (SM: All right.) Or unless you can hide them somewhere in Henry’s house. (SM: Pardon?) You can hide them in Henry’s house. Where the dog won’t bump into them. (SM: (laughs) I’ll take them home. Do you want them Xeroxed off or…?) No we’ve got plenty there already Xeroxed.
(SM: They’re already xeroxed?) Yes. (SM: Okay.) (Pause)
R: Clyde you were in Hawaii seeing Balsekar, right? So why don’t you share with us what it was like?
SL: We were in the presence of someone just like you. A loving, dear presence. Witty as you, the company was all as we are.
R: Did he pass around raisins? (laughter) (SL: There were cats.) Did everybody get some? (SL: He quoted Ramana more often than he quoted his own guru Nisargadatta, very, very often. Many quotes from the book were given which many people had with them by the way, had Ramana’s book with them.) Umm. (SL: And there were many, many people who knew Henry of course, because Henry was the first one to bring Ramesh Balsekar to this country.) Henry’s very popular. (SL: Everyone knows Henry, and everyone’s heard so much about him. Did Nancy stop by the way? Maybe she’s too late.) I told Henry last week that I was listening to Alan Watts on the radio. He’s on Pacifica radio every Monday. (SL: Monday at one, right?) R: Two. So they played a tape from 1957 and Alan Watts was saying, “I’m sitting in Henry Anderson’s house looking out the window.” (laughter) SH: That’s what comes of being a hopeless seeker. It’s the worst disease going.
(general talk)SL: It was really nice though, it was intensive, because there were two talks a day and we were all together and there was a meditation room, many beautiful places to go, waterfalls and swimming, snorkeling…
Jay (SJ): (Student asks for place in Hawaii.)
SL: No it was in Maui. (general talk) What do you call when you have a banquet here? Is it bhandara? (R: Bhandara.) Well it was really nice because we had three of those everyday. (R: Really.) All was vegetarian food. It was prepared on the premises.
R: That sounds nice. (SL: By people who owned a restaurant and they were really talented cooks, it was pretty excellent.) That’s pretty good. (SL: Not enough deserts but other than that it was really good.)
Jorge (SR): We’re going to leave you Robert. (SL: No, everyone’s gone now, this is the best place to be.) (R: We don’t have food.) (SN: But we have raisins.) (laughter) R: When is Ramana’s maha-samadhi? I forgot, I think it was this month? (SL: It was on April 2.) April, was it April? We’ll have something to celebrate. (laughter) (general talk and laughter)
SL: Your birthday’s in December?
R: My birthday? (SL: Yeah.) Umm. (SL: When is your birthday?) It’s a secret. (SL: Do you remember the day you became enlightened?) It’s a secret. (SL: What was it like that day?) It’s a secret. (laughter) (SL: Did you just hit yourself on the forehead and say, … what did you do? You awakened in the morning and that was…) Umm. It’s in one of the transcripts. The only reason I don’t want to discuss all the birthdays and stuff because people have a tendency to bring me presents.
SH: Don’t you like presents?
R: No. (SH: What’s the matter with you?) Going crazy. (SH: What have you got against presents.) Why should I get presents? Why don’t you get presents? (SH: If they come they come.) We’ll give them to Henry. (SH: Sure great.) (laughter) R: I’ll give you a clue, aquarius.) January 21st. (R: How did you know that?) It’s in the transcript. I read them. January 21st?
Jorge (SR): The suggestion of substituting a saint every time we sense our me, works real nice in this room. (R: Make every room this room. It’s your mind that tells you something is easier and something is harder.)
Okay remember to love yourself, to worship yourself, to pray to yourself, to bow to yourself because God dwells in you as you, I love you peace. Until we meet again have a good life.
(tape ends)
Absätze ohne Sprecherpräfix gehören dem zuletzt genannten Sprecher — so steht es im Buch, wo der Präfix nur den Anfang einer Rede markiert. Die Zuordnung ist eine Folgerung dieser Ausgabe. Namen in Klammern sind aus dem Text erschlossen: sicher belegt sind SM = Mary, SF = Fred, SJ = Jay, SC = Nate, wahrscheinlich SG = Glen, SR = Jorge. Alle anderen Kürzel bleiben stehen, weil der Beleg nicht trägt.